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Yesterday, while working our Chained No More exhibit table, we met a middle school girl who was tiny and very shy. She could barely look me in the eye. It is always is a welcome challenge for me to connect with a hurting child, so our conversation started.
Me: Hi, Honey. What is your name?
Her: Sara (made up name)
Me: What grade are you in?
Her: 6th
Me: Wow! What school do you go to? How do you like middle school?
Her: It’s okay.
Our conversation went on for about 10 minutes, as I tried to draw her out. I found out that she had had an unstable mom, so she had been in foster homes since she was two years old. Two years old!!! Her sad little face told the story of not knowing where she belonged or who she belonged to. She wanted to go back and live with her mommy, but she was not allowed because of her mother’s unstable lifestyle. My heart broke for her. She came over and we hugged as her tears began to fall on my shoulder. I could have held her for hours and it wouldn’t have been enough to soothe her little soul.
Many of us also don’t really know where we belong. We didn’t fit in our marriages, we don’t feel “good enough” to get involved in church, extended family is spread out or broken apart. “Where do I belong?” Just like little Sara, the world is a big place and full of lots of uncertainty, isn’t it?
Find your Bible and read Psalm 139:1-18 THIS is where you belong! THIS is how much God wants to wrap Himself around you, hug you, absorb your tears and lift you up. You may not know your earthly parents or ever see them, but your Heavenly Father knows your identity in Him. He made you. He sees you. He loves you unconditionally. You belong to Him and with Him. Breathe and believe.
http://www.robynbministries.com
#godslove #hope #chainednomore
I am fascinated by jugglers. They usually begin with two or three balls and then add more and more balls until the balls are just a blur. I have seen people juggle chain saws, fruit, and any number of other unique items. I truly don’t think I am that focused, so I would probably get hurt doing this activity. Just sayin’….
Juggling life is something that is not just an “activity”, but is required to survive busy schedules and the demand of everyday life. In our modern day, we juggle jobs, school, homes, relationships, kids’ activities, church, personal health, etc. How do we do it?! Some of us have no problem with “keeping all the balls in the air”, while others of us get overwhelmed and sometimes just give up. Which best sounds like you?
Sometimes a crisis shifts life far one way and the rest of our “balls of life” get put aside. A health issue, divorce, death of a loved one, etc. can make us stop, take our eyes off all we are juggling and reassess. “What is the most important use of my time? How much can I handle? How do I get balance back into my life?”
Here’s an exercise we can all do to see where we put our time, and figure out which “balls” we can drop. Take a piece of paper and write down all you do during a week. Yikes! Do we have enough paper and ink to do this? Try it.
Write down the meetings, meals, errands, bills to pay, kids’ activities (all of them), phone calls, obligations to extended family and church, personal appointments, household chores, marriage stuff, parent stuff, quite times (if you have them) and anything else that fills your week. Now, prioritize them by numbering them 1- most important to 10-least important. Are you trying to juggle too much? Which activities can you let go of? Is all this pressure taking away your joy and making you cranky? What would people in your life say? Stop!
Take the time to evaluate and work toward more peace in your life. “Seek peace and pursue it.” Psalms “A heart at peace give life to the body.” Proverbs
How about taking a mini-vacay, if you can, and breathe deep so you can find some peace today? Drop as many “balls of life” as you can and enjoy.
Working with and ministering to single parents and their kids for over 12 years, my opinions have changed. I didn’t mean to ignore these families; I just didn’t see them. The more I learned about the lives of single parent families, the more respect I had for them and the more I wanted to come alongside of them as a ministry.
We began Family Connections, our church’s single parent family ministry, with only about 8 families at a family camp one summer. I listened to the stories of how churches had made them feel unwelcome and judged and how these families in crisis felt like God’s love and forgiveness was not for them. Directly after hosting that camp, I flew down to Houston to a single parent family ministry conference in Houston, TX. Going through the workshops, general sessions and speaking one-on-one with experts in this ministry field, my heart began to open and stir as I learned of the struggles these families face. There is the trauma of a destroyed family, court battles, children thrown back and forth between households, poverty situations, financial wars, child custody crisis and on an on.
I see the struggles of single parents trying to keep up with bills, schedules, car repairs, school supplies, extended family issues, legal details, devastated kids acting out, helping kids keep their grades up, house repairs, groceries, laundry, job commitments, childcare, etc. etc. etc. It is overwhelming, at best, and they don’t have someone else to share the responsibilities with on a daily basis. How do they do it?!
If you are a single dad or mom, I am talking to you….”I highly respect you for working so hard to be the best parent you can be. You may not have the cleanest house, but neither do I. You may not have the best and most nutritious meals all time, but you do your best to feed your kids. You may not be able to give your kids all that they want, but you make sure they have what they need. I am proud of you and all the effort you put into being a good parent for your kids. I am proud of you for looking for resources to assist you and your family. Keep going and let the Lord lead you through it all!
“Blessed is the one who perseveres under trial, because when he/she has stood the test, he/she will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:24
#chainednomore #hope #divorce #singlemom #singledad
Valentine’s Day is all around us. The hearts, chocolates, flowers, balloons, cards, and on and on. For those of us in healthy, loving relationships, this is a fun time of year to celebrate the romantic love we enjoy.
For many of us, however, it is a season of loss, disappointment, and loneliness. Just walking into a store, filled with pink and red reminders, can send us “over the edge” and make us want to turn on our heel and leave the store.
Scrolling through our FACEBOOK postings can just be torture, as we see how everyone else seems to be happily married or in love. Their life may be a “bed of roses”, but ours feels like a bed of thorns.
If you are having a difficult time with Valentines Day, here are some suggestions to maybe make it a little better.
1) Ignore it
2) Take a friend on a fun road trip
3) Go to a movie (not a romantic one!)
4) Take your kids out bowling or roller skating
5) get a bunch of friends together and do something fun. (Don’t go to a romantic restaurant)
6) Write letters to some of your loved ones
7) Visit a nursing home, animal shelter, homeless shelter, etc. and share God’s love
8) Have a spontaneous party at your house and have everyone bring some finger food. Play games, watch a funny movie,etc.
Above all, remember that the love we may miss here on earth is immensely inferior to the love the Lord Jesus Christ has for us. His love is unconditional, fulfilling, all-encompassing, fully accepting and not performance based. His love is forgiving, which is something missing in human love. Most of all, God’s love is for YOU, so, Happy Valentines, in the name of Jesus!
“For God so loved the world that He gave His only Son…”
#chainednomore. #godslove #best #love
Where did I come from? Why am I the way I am? Why do I act and talk this way? Why can’t I have a healthy relationship? When did I begin living in fear and mistrust? Why can’t I just get over “it”?
Personal questions like these can be depressing or it can propel you to dig deep and figure out who you really are. They can help you accept yourself as you are, or it might even make you want to find answers for healing the deepest hurts in you.
Many times our struggles begin with the parenting we had and traumatic experiences we had a children. We try to push them aside and “just get over them”, but for some reason, we still struggle. We just don’t see the connections.
“We are all a product of our parenting, good or bad. Some of us had caring parents, whether they divorced or not. Some of us had abusive parents or neglectful parents. There is nothing you or anyone else can do to change that now, but it is important to explore the parenting you had and how it has affected you up to this point in your life. When you do that, you can make the choice to continue those patterns or break the chains for generations ahead. You no longer have to sweep them under the carpet and say, ‘That’s just how I am’.
It is important to evaluate where your attitudes, beliefs, actions and feelings come from. This is not meant to blame or disrespect your parents, but it is a tool to understand the issues you have in your life and how they may relate back to your childhood and had such power over you. Your parents had or have their own issues they can explore. However, you need to dig deep to discover your own issues. It may just open the door for you.”
From the book, “Chained No More” by Robyn Besemann http://www.robynbministries.com/chainednomore
#divorce #hurt #healing #Godslove
Do you think your past experiences have given you a filter so you might not see things clearly as they are? Do you see marriage with a filter of your own broken relationships? Do you see happy families through the filter of your own broken family? Do you see others’ financial success through your own filter of money problems, which can raise envy and jealousy in your mind?
We all have experiences which can cloud our mind and judgment. For women, a past of abuse by men may make it impossible for women to fully trust any man, no matter who they are. She can look at a pastor, boss, father figure, news anchor, fireman or cop and “see” abuse, control, anger, betrayal through the filter of her past experiences with men. She can’t give a fair chance to a possible new relationship with a man because her issue of hurt and mistrust is the filter she looks at any man.
Another place where filters of hurt can rise is at church. The pastor is talking about accepting God’s love, forgiveness and acceptance. He is talking about the Heavenly Father and how we can trust Him and should put our faith in Him. Our filter of hurt will say, “Yeah, so, the last time I heard the world ‘love’, it included abuse and abandonment.” “The word ‘Father’ conjures up painful memories of a father who beat me time and time again and sexually abused me for most of my childhood. Trust a father? No way!”
Do you see how we make our present pay for our past? The love of God is not a human love; it is free and unconditional. Look at what God’s love is all about in I Corinthians 13.
“Love is PATIENT, love is KIND. It does NOT ENVY, does NOT BOAST, it is NOT PROUD. It is NOT RUDE, it is NOT SELF-SEEKING, it is NOT ANGERED. It KEEPS NO RECORD OF WRONGS. Love does NOT DELIGHT IN EVIL, but REJOICES WITH THE TRUTH. It ALWAYS PROTECTS, ALWAYS TRUST, ALWAYS HOPES, ALWAYS PERSEVERES. LOVE NEVER FAILS.”
THIS is the love the pastor is talking about; not the flawed and abusive love you may have lived. Your abuser has probably never experienced God’s love either, so brings their filter with them as well.
Look at those verses again like a baby seeing the world for the first time out of the womb. Open your eyes and heart wide, drop your filters of hurt and know that God’s kind of love is for you too. Receive His deep, deep love and wrap yourself up in it.
A movie was released in 1995, based on Jane Austen’s novel, “Pride and Prejudice”. It was beautifully filmed and was rewarded for its excellence.
Jane Austen was born in 1775 into a Catholic rector’s family. She was schooled at home, so she had a lot of time to write. She finished her original manuscript of “Pride and Prejudice” in 1796. This moving film was a beautiful love story and filled with the challenges of different social classes in England. Race, social hierarchy, racial breeding and gender struggles were all part of this literary work.
Now, move forward to 2015 and look around and notice that not much has changed in centuries; they have just been modernized. We still have conflict concerning differences in race, gender, sexual preference, cultures, religions and social status. We seem to need to find what’s “wrong” with someone else, so we can feel superior. Why is that? Why would our self-worth depend on that?
According to the Word of God, we are all the same in His eyes. He made each one of us and loves us ALL with an unconditional love. If we are to be imitators of Christ (Eph. 5:12), then we would love ALL others with unconditional love as well. Who do we think we are to consider ourselves above anyone else? WE are equal in the eyes of God Himself!
There are those of us who do not mind “serving” or “ministering” to those “less than….”, but we would not even consider making them personal friends and peers, would we? Search and evaluate your thinking on this. Do you live like Jesus?
Look around at the beautiful variety of people God made on this planet! A magnificent array of color, race, religions, cultures, social status, and ages. We all have eyes to see the beauty in others, hands to reach out, feet to walk with someone and hearts to love.
“Love one another as I have loved you. Just as I have loved you, you must also love one another.” John 13:35 This is a direct command in God’s Word of how we are to live. Now it is our choice to submit our old pride and prejudice to His will or not. How about you?
Pride and Prejudice? How about Humility and Acceptance, starting today?
Are you sick of all the violence in our world? Every time we look in the paper, hear the news or watch t.v., violence is splashed in front of our eyes.
In our violent world today, weapons come in all shapes and sizes. In the movies and t.v. shows, we see an overabundance of guns, bombs, knives, fists and any number of other weapons. Schools, airports, business buildings, and courtrooms have taken security measures that never would have been there a generation ago.
These are examples of physical weapons, but what about verbal, emotional or mental weapons. The words, “You are a loser!” or ” I wish you were never born”, or “You will never amount to anything”, are all things our Chained No More participants have said their pasts were filled with. Weapons to the heart. Along with those putdowns, there is usually physical violence in the home as well.
“Stick and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”? Really? NOT! Most of the time, our bodies can heal from physical injury, but our hearts cannot fully heal from negative words dropped on us about ourselves.
We carry those words with us throughout our lives and they affect our self-worth and confidence. We, many times, then define ourselves by what we had been told instead of listening to who God says we are. Here are some examples:
HUMANS – “You are worthless” GOD – You are accepted and God’s child (John 1:12)
HUMANS -” I wish you were never born” GOD – You’re born of God and the evil cannot touch you (I John 5:18)
HUMANS – “You will never amount to anything” GOD – You can do ALL things through Christ Who strengthens you. (Phil. 4;13)
Now make the truth of the Word your “weapon of choice” every time the enemy tries to attack. The enemy’s lies, no matter where or who they came from, are from the pit of Hell and cannot have power over you unless you let them. Stand in God’s Truth!
I am how old?! Are you kidding me?! How did it happen that I am in this decade of life? I still feel in my 30’s; well, maybe in my 40’s, when I get up in the morning. GRIN
Whenever I celebrate a birthday, I can’t help but look back at my life and see the legacy I had and the many blessings and trials I have lived over the years. I didn’t begin life in an atmosphere of chaos or trauma. I didn’t have parents who divorced, took drugs, were alcoholics or were abusers of any kind.
On the contrary. I was born into a pastor’s family, was loved, cared for, and nurtured. I was raised to love the Lord, follow Him and serve Him all of my life. A perfect life, you think? NOT!
I have had challenges throughout life, I have made mistakes, made poor choices, didn’t always live for the Lord, have had dips in my marriage as well as my walk with God, struggled with issues as a mom, and even wondered what my purpose was in life in general.
Today is my birthday. I can look back and see where the Lord has led me and now I look forward to what He has ahead of me. Here are my birthday wishes:
My life verse? Ephesians 5:1,2 “Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children and live a life of love, just as Christ loved us and gave Himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.”
Happy Birthday to me. Where’s the cake?!
#divorce #adult children of divorce #emotional healing
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